I write a letter from a one-way train [entries|friends|calendar] Hopeless Romantic NAVIGATION: Information & Friends & MYSPACE & Add me And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this. The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did. It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live. Because what's simple in the moonlight by the morning never is. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Thursday August 28th, 2008 at 8:33pm] Since August 2nd I've been with Adam non-stop.. Disneyland, beach, etc in LA until August 2nd.. then the Western Music Institute in Malibu.. then Star Lake conservatory in New Jersey until the 24th.. since then we've been getting his stuff ready for college (hanging out with his awesome family!), they are all down from Canada helping him get ready.. we went into the city the other day.. tomorrow we leave for Canada, then Monday come back down for him to start at Montclair State on Wednesday, and I'm staying down here to be with him for his first week of college until the 10th :) so I still have a little less than two weeks with him thank goodness! I believe that once you have found your true love, you know its for good. this is for absolute good.. I believe it and feel it with every part of me its this love so amazing, no song can even come close to describing it.. people think long distance doesn't work - I think that may be true for some people, but for Adam and I its worked fine these past two months, not to mention the years our feelings for each other have lasted.. anyways, I don't need to justify it to anyone :) this love is for good, which is why over this next year I am most likely going to be figuring out how to transfer over here to be with him for good. :) 2 >> comment

[Thursday July 31st, 2008 at 11:19am] Adam gets here in two dayyyyys!! I got a 2003 Honda Civic the other day.. its this gorgeous olive green! yayy I love it!! Too bad I can't drive it around until September.. I leave next Thursday for various North American adventures with Adam until September 10th.. so I don't want to pay insurance on it during that time (nor do my parents) soo yes, makes sense but it still sucks that I can't drive it around! saw Sarah Morris and her boyfriend Jim yesterday! They came to see me.. we played with my dog Max, went walking along the cliffs with Max, had Sammy's Woodfired Pizza, then watched Dirty Harry! Its always soo great to see her! I'll give more of an upa 1 >> comment

[Friday July 4th, 2008 at 10:53pm] So. Long time no update! See every so often, I read all of your entries [friends] and I get all cheery inside.. making me want to write and tell you all about what's going on in my life! .. but then I get too lazy to write everything haha. basics: I'm in Jasper, Georgia (45 minutes from Atlanta), being a piano instructor/accompanist/cornet instructor/accompanist/counselor at a music conservatory.. $300 a week, not too bad! I am getting so freaking strong with my hands.. I seriously play like, 4+ hours a day.. it feels so great! At first the tendons in my left hand were getting strained.. but now its all better :) I love the South.. all the stupid stereotypes are false, at least here in Georgia. I really want to live here someday :) damn I'm being vague! I leave July 21st, to then go home.. 23-24 I have college orientation, then Adam comes the 1st of August :) we are going to WMI, Star Lake (both music conservatories in Malibu and New Jersey), then I am going up to his hometown of Woodstock, Canada and then staying with him at Montclair State in NJ for awhile (he's moving to the states for college!) fyi.. Adam is my boyfriend, if you didn't know. PHENOMENAL euphonium player, by the way! SOOOOO respectful, adorable etc etc.. I won't brag, because you'll be jealous :) I have so much to write.. but words escape me. I'll do this another time :) 0 >> comment

[Monday May 26th, 2008 at 9:10pm] [ music | "Love and Some Verses" - Iron & Wine ] I had a wonderful weekend in San Diego.. I always do :) I can't really elaborate on all the details because then I'd get my thoughts going and it would be really bad. Basically.. I was crying when I left today, I have no idea where some of my emotions have come from. My heart is kind of going crazy at the moment for lots of reasons :/ My feelings are hurt for reasons I'm not going to say on here because they don't do any good. this quote sums it up.. the whole "everybody is changing and thus if they don't care about as much or at all anymore it makes sense" .. except it doesn't make any sense to me. "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is ONLY in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." -M. Peck I have an elephant named Daphne I need to keep close to my heart and safe for as long as possible, I have a Death Cab cd (one I didn't own) given to me as I drove away, and I have unforgettable memories to lock away and keep for myself. It was a fantastic weekend. the disappointment doesn't even come close to matching the great love I receive by my San Diego friends everytime I go down :) there are always going to be those people who disappoint me down there, but I'm used to that. Whatever. Now I leave with one thought: how the HECK did that happen.. what are the chances? natural. natural. natural. I swear :) 4 >> comment

[Thursday March 20th, 2008 at 5:45pm] is happy happy happy happy. Brendan freaking Homnick: you are amazing!!! Congradulations bahhhhhh you are incredible :) I am a second semester senior.. single [woooot], going on a nine day band tour to the southern US (Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, North Carolina, and Florida) starting next Friday, and am going to Cal Poly Pomona in the fall. Yes.. Pomona IS A CAL POLY. If you don't know that, now you do. I am going to be happy in its pseudo-European environment, I am very excited. I'm happy. happy. and I'm working at Camp Arnold in Seattle again this summer :) I miss reading people's entries.. update! 2 >> comment

[Thursday December 20th, 2007 at 11:19pm] God I am so lonely I can't breathe. it is scaring me how I've felt the last couple of days. I can't do this anymore, I can't live everyday feeling like I lost the whole world to one thing I said. I can't wait over 6 months to have the boy I love back into my life. I can't live having nothing to hold onto. I can't live having no one there for me. Nick doesn't care, Rachel has abandoned me.. Sarah is so far away, I need her here with me. I can't wake up everyday getting out of bed, standing in the middle of my room and sobbing before I can even turn the light on. GOD PLEASE SAVE ME. I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T FUNCTION. I AM NOTHING, NO ONE. my nightmares are coming to life. 3 >> comment

[Saturday December 1st, 2007 at 12:41pm] I got my first acceptance letter today: Cal State Northridge so I've applied to six schools: CSU Northridge, CSU Fullerton, Cal POLY Pomona, and the school I want to go to: CSU Long Beach, Asbury, and Azusa Pacific. Asbury is a just in case I want to get as far away as possible.. which I doubt haha. I didn't apply to any UCs because honestly.. I'm not really interested in any of them. Yeah sure it'd be great to say I went to UCLA and blah blah, but when it comes down to it.. would I be happy? Nope. Plus, I wouldn't get into the top three UCs.. and I am not interested in going to UCR, UC Irvine, or UC Merced. UCR and UCI are not bad schools by any means, but I'm really just not interested in them. Plus, the main difference between CSUs and UCs are that UCs are better for math and science, while CSUs are better for the arts. Since I want to be a band/english/history teacher (idk which yet), some kind of education degree makes wayyyy more sense to get at CSU Long Beach. Plus, they are significantly less expensive! Yayyy no student loans if I go to a CSU :) and then my brother and sister will be able to go to college too. It just feels good to be accepted somewhere.. I knew I would get into one of these schools, after all.. I do go to the 89th best public/private/charter high school out of 18,500 high schools in the nation (isn't that exciting? When sifting through all of the private and charters, we're actually ranked like #7 or something) I could keep going.. but actually it just gets depressing since I think it hurts me I go there and am not a genius.. makes me look really stupid. But whatever. The point is that I'm excited a university wants me! Plus, Northridge is legit for reals.. a really good mentor of mine is a professor there, I went and saw the campus and everything is really nice there. I'd just rather go to CSU Long Beach.. or Cal POLY Pomona (it is seriously AMAZING there) bahhh I'll shut up. Palos Verdes Peninsula Holiday Parade today -- 11 bands are showing up.. how awesome.. 10 other mainly huge bands are going to be warming up in our parking lot.. I am looking forward to CRUSHING PV's marching band! (It doesn't help that when those US News/World Report statistics on the best schools came out yesterday, PV is only 4 spots behind us.. #93) yeeee today marks the end of marching band. FOR REAL. Good, I'm tired of it and ready to go do DCI :) Vanguard biiiiotches! 0 >> comment

[Monday November 26th, 2007 at 10:33pm] PS. We balance each other out in an amazing, indescribable way. but you already knew that :) I got so distracted with hopeful wishes, that I forgot to mention I found an amazing song yesterday in AP Lang.. it's called "Vincent" by Don McLean Starry starry night paint your palette blue and grey look out on a summer's day with eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills sketch the trees and the daffodils catch the breeze and the winter chills in colors on the snowy linen land. And now I understand what you tried to say to me how you suffered for your sanity how you tried to set them free. They would not listen they did not know how perhaps they'll listen now. Starry starry night flaming flo'rs that brightly blaze swirling clouds in violet haze reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue. Colors changing hue morning fields of amber grain weathered faces lined in pain are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand. And now I understand what you tried to say to me how you suffered for your sanity how you tried to set them free. perhaps they'll listen now. For they could not love you but still your love was true and when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night. You took your life as lovers often do; But I could have told you Vincent this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. Starry starry night portraits hung in empty halls frameless heads on nameless walls with eyes that watch the world and can't forget. Like the stranger that you've met the ragged men in ragged clothes the silver thorn of bloddy rose lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow. And now I think I know what you tried to say to me how you suffered for your sanity how you tried to set them free. They would not listen they're not list'ning still perhaps they never will. 1 >> comment

fumbled words, fumbled thoughts. [Monday November 26th, 2007 at 10:27pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Nocturne in E flat Major -- Chopin ] I meant what I said to you.. and could have said a million more words to really let you understand what remains in my heart and mind about that topic. But I figured you didn't want to hear it. I don't blame you, you've always known better than I. I look up to you so much, you have no idea.. you will always be that person I know is going to be somebody, who is going to be more happy than you realize in the end. I pray you will keep me in your life in some way always, you really are one of a handful of people I want that to happen with more than anything. there's no hesitation.. if this about you, you know it 100%.. don't doubt yourself. 0 >> comment

[Thursday November 8th, 2007 at 4:31pm] fuck intuition. fuck the standards. fuck it all. 2 >> comment

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